Your Song
by Desidera
Summary: The story of a relationship has its ups and downs, and for every emotion or situation there is a song in this world. It's Seto and Yami Yugi and it's COMPLETE
1. Dead Gardens

**Author's Notes: **

I promised you songfics. I had so many small ideas that I thought it would be better and more interesting if I put them together to one story. Regard it as an experiment.

There will be a limited narrative, alternating between Seto's and Yami's POV. There will be a song for every chapter. I have the plot roughly planned and the songs already chosen, so I hope I'll finish this and not leave you with something that's only half done.

**Disclaimer: **

Who said they are not mine??? They come to visit me every night, I can prove it. Seto, talk to them!

Seto!! ...Please?

Come on...Don't let me down now...

I swear to you they're always there when I'm alone!

Who said I'm schizophrenic now???

**Song**:

"Dead Gardens" by Nightwish

Chapter 1 – Dead Gardens

_The story behind the painting I drew is already told__  
No more tearstains on the pages of my diary_

He was alone. Alone for days, alone for weeks, he had lost count. It had started when he had got his own little flat, near Yugi's. At first he had been overjoyed, for the first time since his release from the puzzle his own person, free to lead his own life. But all too soon he had noticed that his life was nothing but a fake. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get used to this modern world. He didn't want to bother Yugi any more, especially when he had one of his everyday-problems, usually involving some modern technology. Not to mention his lack of social skills concerning the people of this time and age. His friends were all he had. And that was just the problem.

The little group around his aibou had split up so everyone could go his own way, build up his own future. And Yami was just the one left out. The one who knew he would never fit in, because his time, his true life, the one he knew, had ended thousands of years ago. He felt his story was over, he didn't have a goal in life and he didn't know how to find one on his own.

To make it even worse, his past life hadn't been the best, and now that he had his memories back he experienced nightmares for the first time. He had made mistakes back then, and he regretted them deeply now. He had lost many people, people he loved. Of course, there were so many happy memories as well, but they just made him feel even more lonely and lost. Yugi had suggested he should keep a diary to get the troublesome memories out of his head. It had helped at first, but when Yugi had finally got together with Anzu he had all but forgotten about Yami, thinking he was fine and happy anyway.

The exact opposite was the case. No diary coul ever replace a friend like Yugi.

_Tired but unable to give up since I'm__  
Responsible for the lives I saved_

Sometimes he felt so tired of this world that seemed so strange to him.

When he had been a spirit his existence had made sense. He had protected Yugi and his friends. That had been enough for him, enough to make him feel important again. But now that everything was over they didn't need his help anymore. They had grown strong enough to handle things themselves. They had grown up, turning down his offers of help.

After a while it drove him insane to have nothing to live for, and he would have welcomed death. Only he knew it would hurt Yugi badly, no matter how seldom the boy remembered his yami now. He couldn't bear that thought. He couldn't make Yugi's life a mess now that he had saved it so often, now that Yugi had done the same for him.

_The play is done__  
The curtain's down_

Desperately, Yami was searching for something to do. An interesting job. Or studies. But how do this with only two years of school completed? No university or employer would take him no matter how great his knowledge. Which involved a lot of unimportant things anyway. Back in Egypt you simply hadn't needed to know about physics.

No, this wasn't why he had come to this world, into this age. But why had he come? What did the gods mean for him to do? To him it seemed that he had alread accomplished everything that was required of him.

_All the tales are told__  
All the orchids gone  
Lost in my own world  
Now I care for dead gardens_

But were there even gods like he had known them? Everything he had ever believed in had died along with his culture and was now nothing more than a number of tales that fascinated the children and dreamers. He remembered it all so well now, and it was a burden. Often he wished he had never got his memories back, although he knew he wouldn't have been able to live a peaceful life that way either.

In his dreams he saw the Nile, the sun on the waves, the sailing ships and barques, the papyrus and the pyramids. Tanned people walking along the Nile's shores, beautiful, dark haired women and tall men. His priests and servants on a journey through the country. And the orchids tended in his personal garden, his favourite flowers.

Dreams became daydreams, as he sat in his flat alone, or at the lake, or in the park. It didn't matter, because everything seemed foreign to him now.

He was the last living piece of ancient Egypt. His orchids had died long ago.

_My song is little worth anymore__  
Time to lay this weary pen aside  
  
The play is done  
The curtain's down_

Even duelling meant nothing to him anymore. What was the point in it? People were slowly losing interest now that it was always him and Seto Kaiba on top of all scores, constantly swapping the duellist champion's title, since no one else could reach their level anyway.

They had stopped fighting, and with it something in Yami had died. He lost his will to live.

_All the tales are told__  
All the orchids gone  
Lost in my own world  
Now I care for dead gardens _

Yugi and his friends didn't need him anymore, Seto Kaiba didn't fight him anymore, no one tried to take his now worthless puzzle anymore. He escaped his boring and meaningless life only in his daydreams and in his seldom visits in nightclubs, that were a distraction from his loneliness, a proof that he was still alive, even if he didn't really want to be.

One day he bought a small flower-pot with orchids planted in it. He tended them every day. Perhaps he gave them too much water, because it wasn't even a week before they were brown and withered.


	2. Soul on Fire

**Author's Notes**:

I didn't really know the song when I first saw the lyrics. I thought they were perfect. I didn't like the melody as much as the lyrics.

I had a number of songs for that chapter, but nothing seemed to fit. And there were no new ideas. I tried Linkin Park, "Figure.09" and it was perfect for Seto, but it was the same as I had read it a thousand times before, the conflict with his stepfather. But I wanted at least some small new idea. And so I chose the fire. Since it is something we normally don't associate Seto with.

**Disclaimer: **

See chapter 1

**Song**:

"Soul On Fire", by HIM

**"Soul On Fire"****  
**  
_There's a flame that leads our souls astray  
No one's safe from its tender touch of pain  
And every day it's looking for new slaves  
To celebrate the beauty of the grave_

Do you know that feeling? That a fire is burning inside of you? He knew it. It had been there every day of his life that he could remember, starting the day he and Mokuba were dumped in the orphanage. That fire made him lash out at everyone that tried to hurt his little brother, made him win against his stepfather, made him survive all the years in the mansion, the years of his "training".

But his stepfather would also kindle that fire even more. Even after he wasn't there anymore and it was all over it kept burning, and it successfully made him its tool, hurting everyone around him, even his brother, whom he loved so dearly. When the pain inside of his soul became too great to bear he automatically switched from defense to attack.

This fire had brought him to the edge of the grave, had almost destroyed him. And he had welcomed it's distructiveness, knowing he himself was responsible for so much destruction.  
  
_We are like the living dead  
Sacrificing all we have  
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire  
We are like the living dead  
Craving for deliverance  
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire_

When he looked at himself in the mirror he was surprised he could still be considered a man of flesh and blood. He had given himself away, trying to protect Mokuba at first, but when the war with his hated stepfather was over, the fire was still burning, the walls of ice still standing. Mokuba broke through them, reached outside, accepting help and friendship, but at that time Seto hadn't been himself anymore. He had given away every burning part of his soul leaving a heart of ice, leaving him more dead than alive.

Then he came. The only one whose fire could unfreeze his heart. The one who gave him the ashes of his soul back, to put them together and regain himself. And though he had never asked for this chance, would have turned the offer down if he had had a choice, he craved it deeply. So he felt both, gratitude and loathing, for his saviour.  
  
_And again we're falling for disgrace  
And hate will shelter us from the rain  
We are enslaved by the sacred heart of shame  
And gently raped by the light of day  
  
_

But still at the core of his soul there was burning ash, and the flame inside was rekindled far too soon. By then he knew he could never let himself get out of control like this, hurting even Mokuba.

Still he didn't trust any of the others, who were so perfect it was making him ache with hate. And how could anyone be more perfect than Yugi's Yami? It was an obsession, looking for the chance to finally throw him down, make him seem tainted for once, make him less perfect, less ...desireable.

He had never dared to think about that particular sensation. Because he knew you didn't feel lust for your male rival. Because that was wrong. And, being the man of ice, he managed to bury it deep down in the darkness inside of him, that traitorous feeling.

_We are like the living dead  
Sacrificing all we have  
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire  
We are like the living dead  
Craving for deliverence  
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire_

That way the pile of buried wishes and emotions grew and every time Seto pushed one of them away, the flame leaped up for a moment, painfully branding his heart. Yet he went on doing just that. He didn't want it another way. He wanted to be icy cold, to feel nothing, so no one could use his emotions against him. The only love he always allowed himself to keep was the love for Mokuba.

But sometimes, when one of the others was in danger, when he found himself thrown into a situation where he had to cooperate with Yugi's Yami, he noticed how everything was resurfacing, and, no matter how hard he tried not to do it, he helped them, even tried to keep them safe. He told himself stubbornly it was only for his own interests but he knew he was wrong.

A fire was burning again inside of him, different this time, hotter and yet more bearable. He tried to ignore it but it was there.  
  
_Addicted to our divine despair  
The venom of the cross we bear  
The guilt will follow us to death_

He was ashamed for these moments of weakness, as he liked to call them, and yet they felt right, more right than anything he had ever done. In his eyes he was worthless, loaded with guilt, that he would have to carry around his whole life, that he could never get rid of, like the fire inside.  
  
_We are like the living dead  
Sacrificing all we have  
For a frozen heart and a soul on fire  
We are like the living dead  
Craving for deliverence  
With a frozen heart and a soul on fire_

And now he had to let go of the last thing he had, th one he had never given away. His little brother.

He had known the moment would come. Of course he couldn't always keep Mokuba with him, the boy had to live his own life. Seto was truly proud and happy for him, when his brother had told him he had found a girlfriend, when he had passed his exams with distinction, when he had recieved the offer to attend a famous private school because of his skills with the computer. And that was where he was going now. Leaving Seto on his own. Alone and suddenly feeling dead and cold inside.

A part of his soul had left with Mokuba and now there was only an empty space.

The lonelier he was, the more his heart froze again, and with it came the painfully burning fire. So he tried to escape by going out in the evening. Looking for something or someone to warm him and cool him, and make him whole again.  
  
_With a soul on  
Soul on  
Soul on  
Fire  
  
Soul on fire_


	3. Voulez Vous

**Author's Notes:**

There's one line in this song which includes the word "girl". I don't think it matters to anyone if I change that one word from "girl" to "boy". It's allowed in jazz, as far as I know, if it doesn't change the statement of the text.

I'll mark that word like this:_ boy_ Ok?

And I'll continue doing so in all the following chapters. Thanks.

**Disclaimer:**

See chapter 1

**Song:**

"Voulez-Vous" by ABBA

**Voulez-Vous?**

_People everywhere  
A sense of expectation hanging in the air_

One slender hand casually pushes the doors away. The bouncer knows him, they greet each other with a nod. The music poures out of the club, inviting him, drawing him in. He lets himself be carried away in a mass of bodies, right onto the dancefloor. The rhythm is all around him, music wrapping around his body like a blanket, shutting out everything else. And yet he knows, even while he loses himself completely, while he forgets the world outside, that this is not yet what he came for. No, not at all.

_Giving out a spark  
Across the room your eyes are glowing in the dark_

Another song ends and Yami stands, gasping for air. And there, in the shadows, he finds what he was looking for. The glow of eyes of the finest ocean blue, there in a corner. He smirks to himself and turns around. He knows those eyes are fixed on him and, conscious of every movement, he lets his body turn to the beat. It dances all by itself, usually, but now he gives those movements an extra spark, a sensual twist of a hip, a subtle hand passing down over his chest.

_And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end  
Masters of the scene  
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more  
You know what I mean_

He knows it has already started, and that there is no way to stop what will happen tonight. He has experienced it many times before, knows what will happen. The rules are set, but the game varies.

_Voulez-vous  
Take it now or leave it  
Now is all we get  
Nothing promised, no regrets_

As another song ends his eyes finally meet blue ones, questioning. He has made his offer, but the other isn't yet giving any signs. Sometimes it's over right then and there and after fifteen minutes in the club they already leave, drawn by the need for each other, not for alcohol or dance. Sometimes it takes them the whole evening, playing with each other, until they finally give in. Sometimes it doesn't happen at all.  
  
_Voulez-vous  
Ain't no big decision  
You know what to do  
La question c'est voulez-vous  
Voulez-vous.._

"Come on" he thinks, and with a last intense gaze into those beautiful eyes, he turns to the bar, making sure his hips are swaying ever so slightly. Now it's for Seto to decide.

_I know what you think  
The boy means business so I'll offer him a drink  
Looking mighty proud  
I see you leave your table, pushing through the crowd_

He stops at the bar, sitting down. The bartender knows him, smiles at him.

"Anything you'd like tonight?"

"No, thanks, Dan. You know what I'm waiting for."

And with that he glances meaningfully back to the dark corner.

With satisfaction he sees the other move, stand up, make his way over to the bar.

"That was quick." Dan states.

"Works for me. I want company tonight" We winks back at the bartender and turns to welcome Seto.

Change of POV

_I'm really glad you came, you know the rules, you know the game  
Master of the scene  
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more  
You know what I mean_

Seto looks at the other and notices a smirk stealing onto his face. He can't help it, he's glad to see Yami. He remembers well the first time they met in this bar. Their surprise and hateful glances. He drank a lot that evening, because he wanted to forget a past the other reminded him of. Yami must have felt something similar, because he drank just as much. He knows by now that his former rival must have things on his mind, problems he can't admit to, because there is a shadow in his eyes that hasn't been there before. Anyway, the morning after that first night they woke together, slumped over each other, passed out right there, in the club, in each other's arms.

They were so embarrassed. And yet, the next night they met again. This is how it started.

Yami smirks back and he looks down that body, which he has come to know better than his own.

_Voulez-vous  
__Take it now or leave it  
Now is all we get  
Nothing promised, no regrets_

_Voulez-vous  
Ain't no big decision  
You know what to do  
La question c'est voulez-vous_

Oh yes, he wants him. Wants to pass his hands down that appealing chest, feel those slim hips, taste that sinfully smirking mouth.

"What's your preference tonight?" He starts their conversation.

"Ain't we forward..." Dan's voice came from behind.

But Yami is used to the little game.

"Tequila, if you don't mind."

"I mind." Seto growled. "I feel more experimental tonight. Why not try something new?"

"Well, that I don't mind. You can have whatever you want."

They play their innuendo game until they both have finished three small drinks. Seto doesn't know if he is dizzy because of the alcohol or because of the other's presence.

_And here we go again, we know the start, we know the end  
Masters of the scene  
We've done it all before and now we're back to get some more  
You know what I mean._

Finally he takes hold of Yami's hand.

"Care to dance?"

"I'd love to." His ex-rival answers, hopping off his seat at the bar.

They already have a reputation for giving the other dancers a nice show. They don't disappoint their audience tonight. Their dance is electric, almost magical. They're covered in sweat after three songs.  
  
_Voulez-vous  
Take it now or leave it  
Now is all we get  
Nothing promised, no regrets  
  
Voulez-vous  
Ain't no big decision  
You know what to do  
La question c'est voulez-vous_

"Wanna leave?" Seto whispers into the other's ear. Yami nods breathlessly, rubbing his lower body a bit against Seto's, provoking a small gasp. Hand in hand, like a newly wed couple, they exit the club.


	4. Faint

**Author's Notes**:  
I know, Linkin Park is usually reserved for Seto's emotions. And many of those songs fit him so well. I was looking for this song for quite some time. I wanted this chapter to be a Linkin Park song, because they have those screamed parts in there, and because their songs and lyrics are pretty hard. I didn't know until now if I chose the right song. I know now that I did.  
I'm sorry for the numerous changes of POV. Tell me if it's too complicated. I could edit it and write "Seto's POV" or "Yami's POV". But, to be honest, I'd like you to think about it a bit, so you find out by yourself who's the one talking.

**Disclaimer:**  
See chapter 1

**Song**:  
"Faint" by Linkin Park

**Faint**

_I am  
Little bit of loneliness  
A little bit of disregard  
A handful of complaints  
But I can't help the fact  
That everyone can see these scars_

Sunlight hurts my sleepy eyes. Too bright, far too bright. The blue curtains of my window are opened. Damn, I never open the curtains. I fall back into the sheets, groaning in annoyance as my brain is slowly catching up. I can't recall a single event of the last night. I don't need to.

Every night, for almost two months now, has been the same. And every fucking morning he opens those god damned curtains. And I'll never get used to it.

Yes, I am like that. Lonely and hard and a jerk to the rest of the world. And why would I change it? I always wanted it that way, I don't need to defend myself, I'm above all of them anyway. I know, though, that I'm not above him. And yet I act as if that was the case. Why not? I don't want him there anyway, I don't want him snuggling up to me when he assumes I think he's sleeping. I don't want him caring for my health or bringing me coffee when I have a hangover and my head's spinning. Damn it, I know that's everyone's dream, everyone's idea of a perfect lover. But I'm not perfect and my world is not perfect and my lover can't be perfect. It disgusts me, that perfection I always tried to reach.

I know all those people out there would shake their heads, wonderin why the hell I am always complaining when everything could be wonderful? Well, there's a simple answer. I know it's never going to be wonderful. Mokuba's not there anymore. It's like there is no sunlight anymore. What's a little light bulb compared to the sun?  
I have seen too many bad things in my life. No, it's never going to be wonderful.

I try to hide that fact all the time, but I know he sees it. I know the others see it. They should leave me alone, let me be myself, my complaining, suffering, disturbed self!  
He should go too, shouldn't come back ever. I know I'll be looking for him tonight in that bar again. But right now I have to get him out of my house. Straight away.

I can't let anyone be my sunlight again. I can't let anyone take Mokuba's place and make me this happy.

**Change of POV**

_I am  
What I want you to want  
What I want you to feel  
But it's like  
No matter what I do  
I can't convince you  
To just believe this is real_

Sometimes it feels like I only exist for that moment. That moment of waking in your arms. That moment when we can be together, when I can watch you openly, let my feelings for you show. I stay like that until I feel you stirring. Then I leave, get my clothes, get you some coffee, maybe, or just sit somewhere and read the newspaper that the postman brought to your door. I have no interest in the newspaper, but reading it seems so normal, so family-like. Yugi's grandpa always read the newspaper in the morning. I also open your heavy blue curtains, because they make the room seem dark and depressing.

I'm waiting like that until you wake up. Maybe it would be better for my sanity if I left before you woke up. But I can't. Against all hope I'm hoping for the miracle of you waking up and saying, "Good morning, Yami. I'm glad you stayed." I hate myself for wanting you to need me, and show me that you do, but I can't deny it. I want to be important to you. I want to mean something to you.

That's why I do all those things, that's why I come to that club every evening. It's all useless.

Morning after morning you come into the kitchen, staring at me tiredly and saying, "Would you please leave those fucking curtains closed?" Sometimes even less friendly, it depends on the night before...  
And then you ask me to leave. In the same monotonous voice of yours. And I feel like fragile glass is breaking inside of me.

_So I let go  
Watching you  
Turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that i'm not  
But i'll be here  
'Cause you're all I got_

So I leave, without discussion. I never discussed this, you made everything perfectly clear. But when I've passed your doorstep I turn back to see if you watch me go. You don't, and for a second time my hopes are shattered. You turn your back on me, you don't care about me at all. I'm nothing more than a good fuck, a one-night stand.

Pity that you still want me every night. Pity you can't get tired of your supposed one-night stand. Pity you can't accept the fact that we're beyond that, cause I'll be there again tonight. How could I not? You're the only thing I see, and the world seems to fade with every passing day.

_I can't feel  
The way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal  
This damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored_

I still hate you, every time you let me down. And yet, this hatred will never be the same again. It's far deeper. I can't hate you how I used to hate you, dispassionately, despisingly. I can't ignore you.

But I'll make sure you won't be able to ignore me. I'll come back every time you send me away. I can't let you go, not now that I finally have something to hold onto in my life. Even if it's only a fragile hope.

**Change of POV**

_I am  
A little bit insecure  
A little unconfident  
'Cause you don't understand  
I do what I can  
But sometimes I don't make sense_

I'm putting on clothes for the evening. I'm thinking about you. Would you like the blue shirt better than the black one? I know blue turns you on, but black soothes you. How strange, most people feel the other way round about those colours...Do I want you to go fast or slow tonight? Do I want this to be over soon, like an explosion, or rather lasting the whole night, like drowning in a sea of pleasure. Yes, you give me pleasure. Great pleasure.

Usually I'm in a strange mood before going out. I'm looking forward to it, but I feel self-conscious. I think it's the only time of the day I worry about you. At least a bit.

I'm sorry for hurting you, sometimes. I know I hurt you every morning. You think I just don't want to accept you. You don't know that I just can't. I can't let go of being the person I was for all these years. I can't let go of the old to create space for the new.

Mokuba should always be the only one I love. But now I wonder if I can even control that anymore, cause you make me feel again what I promised myself to feel only for Mokuba.

I confuse myself, and I can't help it. I'm like that. I am who I am.

**Change of POV**

_I am  
What you never want to say  
But i've never had a doubt  
It's like no matter what I do  
I can't convince you  
For once just to hear me out_

I am your lover. Everyone in the club knows it. No one flirts with me, no one flirts with you. They watch us, thinking we're playing some insane game of seduction. Aren't we?

And yet, you would never admit to it. You deny every single emotion that might appear in your eyes, you deny yourself all the pleasure I could give you.  
Why don't you understand? We belong together. I always knew our lives were intertwined, but you wouldn't believe it.

I can do what I want, you don't listen to me when I try to tell you about my ideas of the future. You don't listen when I want to tell you how wonderful it could be, you don't listen when I'd like to say what I wanted to say for so long, for almost two months or even more.

And in the morning you throw me out again. And again. And again.

**Change of POV**

_So I let go  
Watching you  
Turn your back like you always do  
Face away and pretend that i'm not  
But i'll be here  
'Cause you're all I got_

I know I have to let you go, but I watch you subtly, without you noticing. You're always looking back once, and I can see the disappointment in your eyes. I know you're telling yourself I feel nothing for you. But you know that's wrong, you know I'm only pretending. I can't change that, but I'll be there again tonight. You have to understand.

I need the sunlight in my life. But my sun is gone and I can't accept the fact that my world should have two suns. It doesn't seem right, does it?

_I can't feel  
The way I did before  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored  
Time won't heal  
This damage anymore  
Don't turn your back on me  
I won't be ignored_

I know I have to send you away. I know Mokuba would scream at me not to do it and yet I have to do it. I can't help it, my soul needs to make sure I love Mokuba more. But I can't hate you anymore. No, I don't. I....have become dependent on you.

You don't know it, but I hurt just as much as you every time you turn and leave, every time you go when I tell you to go.  
I can't heal myself anymore, I can't break that circle. I need you to break it, need you to say, "No, I won't leave." Maybe then I can let go, maybe then I can tell my soul I haven't betrayed my little brother.

**Change of POV**

_No!  
Hear me out now!  
You're gonna listen to me  
Like it or not!  
Right now!_

I can't stand this anymore. One morning I just scream at you, start screaming the moment you want to send me away. I never want to stop, it feels so good. You're just standing there and staring at me with an unreadable expression.

I scream and scream until there seems to be no air left in my lungs, until my throat is sore and my voice is hoarse. I doubt you understood all the things I shouted, I didn't understand them myself. Funnily, that's not what you need.

Everything about me is spinning, my stomach is turning upside down, I feel that I'm falling.

I'm fainting. But you're there to catch me.


	5. A Hard Day's Night

**Author's Notes**:  
Probably the only really happy chapter in this angsty fic. But I think it's important nonetheless. And it's the middle of the story. So it's half done now. It's also a bit shorter than the last ones, because the song tells (or implies) a lot of things that do not have to be told again in the narration. My narrator for this chapter might be a bit out of character. But I think even he might be able to feel like this. And I like him that way. Only for one chapter, ok?

**Disclaimer:**  
See chapter 1

**Song:**  
The Beatles, "A Hard Day's Night"

**A Hard Day's Night**  
  
_It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog.  
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log.  
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do  
will make me feel all right_.

I get into my limo, which has been waiting for me in front of my office building and let myself slump down into the seat. Only behind those dark windows during the 15 minutes ride home I let myself relax completely. I need that before facing another heap of work. But today has been hard. Not that I'm not used to such days, on the contrary, they're rather frequent, actually. The problem is I haven't been sleeping much during the last nights.

A sly smile steals onto my lips when my thoughts turn to the reason for my lack of sleep. I cross my legs and arms and look out of the window, still smiling. Finally I can go home.  
Home to you.  
Ah, and how that thought makes me giddy. I shouldn't be like that. What are you doing to me? I frown a bit, but even that realisation can't ruin my mood today.   
Home where we can be alone.  
An evil little voice in my head reminds me of how much I suddenly enjoy that Mokuba isn't around anymore and I feel guilty for a second. Yet it would only be bad for the boy to be around right now, probably walking in on me and him getting at it, I reason.

He, that would be Yami. Who is awaiting me at home as he has been doing for almost two weeks now. Who is going to help me out of my coat, who is going to have already prepared dinner for the both of us, who is going to massage my shoulders and whisper softly in my ear how much he missed me and how my mansion is so lonely without me in there.  
And when we're alone, I'm going to be alright.

_You know I work all day to get you money to buy you things.  
And it's worth it just to hear you say you're going to give me everything.  
So why I love to come home, 'cause when I get you alone,  
You know I feel okay._

I know what he's going to say. "Where have you been so long? You worked a lot more again than you should have, didn't you? I've been waiting for at least two hours now." He's going to be a little angry with me, I guess, because he's right. I'm supposed to be home for more than two hours.  
There have been a lot of changes in the company lately. With Mokuba gone I had to rearrange quite a lot of things, which took a lot of time. I sigh, staring out of the window. Suddenly I have an idea and tell the driver to stop for a minute, getting out of the car. After all what do I have all this money for?

He's going to be a bit upset with me for being this late, but I'll make him smile again. A bunch of beautiful orchids in my hand I get back into the car.

He's going to smile at me, rub my back, stroke my neck, and all the tension I feel during work is going to dissipate under his hands. And then he's going to tell me, "Well, I have nothing for you, but maybe I could give you a kiss instead" Feigning hurt, I'm going to ask, "That's all I get?" and he's going to lean closer, biting my earlobe and murmuring, "I'm gonna five you everything"

My stomach is jumping, thinking about his voice. And I have to admit to myself once more that this means a lot to me. A lot more than I'd like.  
  
_When I'm home everything seems to be right  
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah,_

How could it happen? That suddenly everything seems to be alright, that suddenly my life seems to be ok. Could the feeling of being in your arms change my entire life, my entire self? It's so hard, trusting this happiness, because every happy memory in my life is followed by a bad one. Should this be different? Because it's you? Because you're the one holding me?  
  
_It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog.  
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log.  
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do  
will make me feel all right.  
So why I love to come home, 'cause when I get you alone,  
You know I feel okay._

Reminds me of his arms. Being in his arms feels so safe, like I was a child again, protected and loved. Ah, what am I thinking? Since when did I get so sappy?

What is it that we share, Yami?

I only know that it feels good, that it feels so good I can't deny it. We had sex, wonderful sex, but I wanted more. And I got more. Is this what I wanted? What I want my life to be from now on? Giving him flowers, letting him protect me?

Soon I'll be home. Soon we'll be together.  
_  
When I'm home everything seems to be right  
When I'm home feeling you holding me tight, tight, yeah,_

And then the rest of the world going to be washed away like dust when the summer rain comes. He's going to hold me, kiss me, make love to me. Everything's going to be alright.  
_  
It's been a hard day's night, and I been working like a dog.  
It's been a hard day's night, I should be sleeping like a log.  
But when I get home to you I'll find the things that you do  
will make me feel all right. __You__ know I feel alright_

I close the door of the mansion and lock it. He has heard the limo pull into the driveway and is waiting in the entrance room, taking my coat off my shoulders, then staring at me, gently rebuking,

"Where have you been so long? You worked a lot more again than you should have, didn't you? I've been waiting for at least two hours now."

I can't help but smile a bit, the orchids hidden behind my back.

_  
__You__ know I feel alright_


	6. Ain't no Sunshine

**Author's Notes:  
**Angst continues. As you might have noticed until now it's always a huge jump in time from chapter to chapter. My idea was to kinda take scenes out of their story instead of telling every detail. I hope you can still follow the plot without problems. Yes, for this chapter I changed_ **she **_to** _he_** in the song. I know, almost for sure, that it's allowed since this is a jazz song and can be slightly changed by the singer. You might wonder about the person appearing in the end. He's kinda mentioned in another, later song, so I need him to take part in the story. Interprete his presence in any way you'd like, we'll see how Seto thinks about it later....

**Disclaimer:  
**See chapter 1

**Song:** "Ain't no Sunshine when she's gone" by ...well, that's not easy to say, there are different authors named...but I guess it's Bill Withers, he's mentioned most frequently.

**Ain't no Sunshine**

_Ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone  
It's not warm when **he**'s away  
Ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone  
And **he**'s always gone too long  
Anytime **he** goes away _

The sound of the door snapping shut is echoing through the hallway. My eyes are fixed on it, wanting it to open again, so he can come back in. Silence lies heavily and threateningly all around me. I long to press my hands to my ears to shield them from the silence, as absurd as it may seem.  
In my mind there is still his smile, the hidden smile in his blue eyes, and his promise to be back soon. I smile back, although I know he can't keep that promise. He always gets back late and exhausted though he tries to hide it.

Shivering I put my arms around myself. The fact that the arms warming me were his just a few minutes ago almost brings tears to my eyes. I will myself to be strong. After all I never heard of a man who froze to death because his love wasn't there to warm him. He can be so strong, why shouldn't I?

Yet, I'm most likely no ordinary man. Darkness is all around me and in my heart and as absurd as it sounds Yugi, my hikari, and he, Seto Kaiba, were the only sunlight that was ever granted to me in this new, exotic world. I never want to live in the darkness again. You can't imagine it, being in darkness for thousands of years. Only he can. He understands me. And yet he goes away.

I know he's got a company to run, I know how important that is to him. I tell myself all the time I should be reasonable and sensible, and it works perfectly well when he tells me he's going to go to work another weekend, because things are stressful at the moment. I nod. I understand him. But as soon as he's away, the darkness is coming back. I never want to admit it...but I'm afraid. Afraid it will consume me again. Afraid of feeling dead again.

He keeps me alive. But when he's gone my soul is starving for him. I want to be alive all the time, not just an hour or two in the evening and another one in the morning!

I turn to look for something to read, another book perhaps. I could go for a walk or try to use the computer as he tried to show me only yesterday...  
I sigh and go to find something to do. Something that will distract me for those long hours.

_Wonder this time where **he**'s gone  
Wonder if **he**'s gone to stay  
Ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone  
And this house just ain't no home  
Anytime **he** goes away _

I stare out of the window. It's slowly getting dark. Usually this is the time where I'm already looking forward to his return, one or two hours late, usually.  
But not today.

I have to bite my lip in order to keep from smashing things. I'll be alone, alone, alone!! For a whole week! And I don't even know where he's gone...he showed me a map in a book, calling the country he was going to 'America'. Well, it doesn't really help, I still can't picture the distances. I don't like flying machines either. Planes and helicopters scare me and only for Yugi's sake did I ever get inside of something that strange.

His world is just so far away from mine.  
Sometimes I wonder if we even have a chance together. I mean, yes, I love him, and I'm pretty sure he loves me too, and our souls are connected...but still we seem so far away. And I don't know how to get closer to him.

I know it's wrong to imagine this, but sometimes those visions follow me in my dreams. Those beautiful american ladies. My thoughts are spinning on, showing me nights of passion, showing me my only love moaning another's name, showing me another in his strong arms, showing his jet lost and forgotten and him staying with another, in a beautiful house, never thinking about me again, never looking back.

I slump down into my seat and the tears I tried to keep back for so long finally leak out of my eyes. I try to stop them, but they're coming anyway.

_And I know...  
Gotta leave the young thing alone  
But ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone _

It's probably my fault anyway. This can't work. Apparently it didn't work back in Egypt, so why should we succeed this time? I should leave him alone...I'm just an old, clueless, depressive spirit. He's a young man and he has so many chances in life. I should leave him be.

But I can't. Can't let him go. He means so much to me, so damn much.

_Ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone  
Only darkness everyday _

It's driving me crazy. He should have been home on Sunday! It's Tuesday! I'm shaking with every step I take, I can't eat anymore, I'm barely swallowing some water, kept alive only by the silly hope of him coming back and taking me in his arms. I have no tears left.

How can he do this to me?!? I'm so alone, I'm so scared. I can't live without you!!! Come back, please, just come back to me.

He doesn't want me anymore. I'm almost certain of it now. He didn't call, not once. He promised we could talk on the phone.  
This is worse than the puzzle, so much worse.  
I'm thinking about ending it all again. I should have left this world already. I'm just a stranded stranger, a leftover from the past.

He doesn't love me, Ra, he doesn't!

**End of POV**

_Ain't no sunshine when **he**'s gone  
And this house just ain't no home  
Anytime **he** goes away _

**rustling sound**

"Who's this?!? Seto?!!!"  
"Calm down, Pharao."  
"It's you."  
"But of course, back from my trip to Egypt. Thought I'd have a look at what you're doing. The High Priest's not there?"  
"Ll..leave me...n..not today, ...Bakura."  
"...Pharao?..No, don't....Don't here."  
"Oh, Ra, please, Bakura, stay with me."  
"Sure."

_Anytime he goes away  
_


	7. This Masquerade

**Author's Notes**:  
No Bakura in this chapter....No, don't worry too much about him, he's got a minor role in this. I just need him for the next chapter. Sorry Bakura, maybe next time.  
I hope I don't exaggerate the angst in the following chapters. Especially in the next....but you'll see for yourself soon enough.

**Disclaimer:  
**See chapter 1

**Song:**  
"This Masquerade", jazz standard by George Benson, Leon Russell

**This Masquerade**

_Are we really happy with this lonely game we play  
Looking for words to say  
Searching but not finding understanding anyway  
We're lost in this masquerade_

Damn.  
I throw down another sheet of paper, burying my head in my hands. I can't concentrate today. I can't because I'm always thinking back to that evening. That evening when I came home from my trip to America.

He wasn't expecting my return, although I had told him it would take me two or three extra days, so I thought I'd surprise him. I entered the mansion quietly. He wasn't in the living room. Neither could I find him in the kitchen or in the bath, nor in my bedroom. I was starting to worry.

"Yami!", I shouted, "Where are you?" My hopes sinking I opened the door to the last room downstairs: My old study. There he was. A pitiful heap of blue and red, in his pyjamas, his hair sticking out even more than usual, knees drawn up to his chin, tearstains on his cheeks and eyes as empty as dark holes.

"Yami! What are you doing here?!" I walked up to him, drew him into my arms and kissed him. Then my eyes widened in shock. His lips were unresponsive. I pulled away, but he was only staring at me dully, as if he hadn't even noticed my presence. I lifted him up and carried him away in my arms. When I sat him down on the couch he started to struggle, came to life again.  
"Get away!", he screamed, "Where the hell have you been?!?!"  
"But I left you a message I'd come later!" I didn't understand.  
He stared at me. "I didn't get a message"  
Something klicked in my mind and I went to the phone, activating the answering machine.

"Hey Yami. I'm coming two or three days later, there have been problems with the company. Take care."

He was still staring, then he ran away. Got up and left.

That's the whole story. He came back of course, but we never talked about it. We're distant, further away from each other than we've ever been before. We have sex at night, but it's not like it was before. He doesn't whisper my name anymore, doesn't let his wonderful lips caress my neck. He lets me do what I want, shudders beneath me, whimpers, but when he comes his eyes are empty again. It scares me, yes, it does. He puts on his game face all day long but at night his eyes are empty.

No I can't concentrate on those papers anymore. I'm going to go insane.

_Both afraid to say we're just too far away  
From being close together from the start  
We tried to talk it over but the words got in the way  
We're lost inside this lonely game we play_

When I'm coming home from work now he's sitting somewhere, staring off into space. We're not living together anymore, merely in the same house. I think we're both afraid of admitting our fault, admitting we ruined a relationship once again.

I don't doubt its failing anymore, as much as it pains me. How did it happen? Why?  
Because he didn't know how an answering machine works? Because I put my company over him once again? Because he almost worried himself to death and thinks I don't understand, don't care because I didn't even apologize?

I thought we could understand each other, I thought he was the only person who could understand me, except for Mokuba. But he didn't and it makes me angry. Just as my cool facade is making him angry. We've always been too different. Perhaps we've never been close enough for a relationship. Maybe attraction is all that binds us together. We might just be lying to ourselves. And I won't cry, no, I won't!

Yesterday I gathered all my courage, prepared dinner for both of us and asked him to join me. He came. We sat together on the table, waiting for the other to speak. In the end I started.

"I'm sorry you didn't find the message"  
"Me too." His voice was emotionless.  
"Come on, Yami, I just wasn't thinking about that."  
"You're never thinking about me"  
"You know that it's not true!"  
"But you still go away."  
"It's my job, damn it!"  
"And I'm your lover, damn it!"  
"This is getting nowhere"  
"Maybe we've never been anywhere"

I jumped up then, giving him one last glare before storming out. I heard him slump down in front of his meal, crying.  
Sometimes I think the only escape out of this endless game is one of us leaving.

_Thoughts of leaving disappear  
every time I see your eyes  
No matter how hard I try  
To understand the reason why  
we carry on this way  
We're lost in a masquerade_

Still I come back every time, every time I think of that smile of yours. I can't help it, I'll never be able to forget that smile again. I've never experienced something like this before, I never wanted to be so dependent.

When I look into your eyes when we accidentally face each other in the hallway to the bedroom at night, I see deep, dark crimson, illuminated and silver-rimmed by the moonlight. Your soul is speaking to me, calling to me, screaming to me to forget about all of it. I wish I could turn back time. We're standing like statues, as if frozen in silver. Everything is silent. I wish there had never been words between us, words that can be mistaken. I can't let you go and I can't leave you. I can't escape those eyes.  
And then you're gone. And I won't cry, no, I won't.

How could we continue like this?

Sometimes I go to clubs again, watching the people dance. Watching the girls down there. Watching the boys. Not one of them can compare to him. Not in beauty, not in soul. I thought we were made for each other, but perhaps it's meant to be that way. Perhaps I'm meant to be independent, my relationships to stay meaningless.

So why can't we stop? Why can't we just leave? Why are we still torturing ourselves like this? Why are we still playing this insane game?

_We could just start over  
but it's oh so hard to do_

Begin anew? But how? We've reached the end. We have to find something that can bring us back to the beginning. Should we ever find it? Is it all lost? Gone? Past?

_When you're lost in a masquerade_


	8. I'm A Fool to Want You

**Author's Notes**:

This song carries an immense amount of sadness. I can't claim to know such sorrow from experience. I try to describe it the best way possible. I hope I'll succeed. This song makes me cry. I hope this chapter honours it.

About the betraying thing: Well, it's always described from the other's point of view. So it isn't necessarily true. I don't really know myself yet, actually.

Sorry for the POV confusion in the end....I can change it if it's too confusing, but I hope I won't have to. Because I love it that way.

Sorry for all the angst, too. When I started it I never thought this fic could become so sad....

**Disclaimer**:

See chapter 1

**Song:**

"I'm A Fool to Want You", by Frank Sinatra ....(jazz standard....)

**I'm A Fool to Want You**

_I'm a fool to want you  
I'm a fool to want you  
To want a love that can't be true  
A love that's there for others too_

During the last few weeks I wondered a lot if there is a point where you can't shed any more tears, where they just don't flow anymore. A point where you're empty. I know now I've reached that point. I know now what it feels like.

My life is empty. My heart is empty. My soul is a barren, destroyed field, fog covering up the damage. My game face is falling, failing. I hurt so much I wonder sometimes if I'll survive the next night. Because every night is lonely, every star on the sky a mockery of once flawless romance.

And still. Still we're living in the same house. Still we meet in the hallway at night for one last look at what we could have had.

How strange that this thought can't make me break down crying anymore. Yes, there is nothing left but pieces.

But still....

I want you.

I think I know where you spend the nights you're not at home. I'm pretty sure I know where you're coming from when I meet you in the hallway. Me going, you coming. Passing each other by.

Oh, no, I'm sure I know where you've been.

Who you've been with.

Isn't it foolish to want something that has never been mine and will never be mine? Isn't it foolish to want you when you go at night to clubs and choose some random partner for the night?

How strange that not even this thought can make me break down.

This isn't even a game anymore, this is raw, icy sorrow. And it's so strong that if only I could gather enough determination to make the necessary moves, it could kill me in an instant.

Do you love them, all the other guys and girls? Do you give them what you gave to me?

Did you ever really love me? One thing you have to believe.

I did. And I still do.

**Change of POV**

_I'm a fool to hold you  
Such a fool to hold you  
To seek a kiss not mine alone  
To share a kiss that devil has known_

We still have sex at night. No, we don't make love, we have sex. Sometimes I can't stand it anymore and just don't come home for the night. Go away to nowhere.

How can I still hold you in my arms? True, you don't object. But even me, the most clueless person in the world can say that all my embrace brings to you is more pain. And that brings pain to me!

So why do I hold you? Why am I still foolish enough to hold you?

I could just turn away from you. But I don't. Why? What's the use in it? It's not even pretending anymore, not an insane game we're lost in as you liked to put it.

I guess it's because I can't let go. Not even after what I saw.

What's he been doing here? Is he now the one completing your soul? Because he's been a spirit, just like you?

Did you find the understanding you were always looking for in his eyes? Why then don't you just go off with your precious Bakura? Why not leave me?!

Is it because I give you the better sex if I can't give you anything else?!?

Damn. How can I still try to kiss your lips every night? Why, why, damn it?!?

Thinking of his lips on yours instead....I never hated him so much, so passionately. How can you give him something we shared such a short time ago? How can you kiss him? How can you enjoy his kisses?

But I don't even have the energy left to smash my beautiful wine glasses just so I can pick up a piece and pass the sharp edge over my wrist. I used to like the feel of it barely cutting.

No, it's foolish to spend one more minute in this relationship. And yet I do.

Even if you don't respond to me anymore, even if you really cheat on me, even if everything is lost....

I still want you. All of you.

**Change of POV**

_Time and time again I said I'd leave you_

Leaving ....I told myself I would. Sometimes I even told you I would. I wrote letters of goodbye, of parting, of regrets. I ripped them up, started all over again and wrote the same things once more. I put them onto your study desk, into the bed, into the pockets of your coat, just to watch you read them, that look on your face....

I run out of the house, but stop a few streets away, half an hour later. I remember your face and turn back....

**Change of POV**

_Time and time again I went away_

I left the mansion so many times at night. After reading one of those letters you put everywhere I always leave. I wait until you're back, numbly wondering if this time you'll really be gone for once. When I hear the front door open I get a strange feeling. It's relief, but it's bittersweet. I go up into my room then and dress to go out....

**Change of POV**

_But then would come the time when I would need you_

And still we meet in that hallway, you leaving, me coming, because none of us can stand the presence of the other anymore. And still I need you.

**Change of POV**

_And once again these words I had to say_

When I come back at night and you're lying in my bed, so lost, so lonely, I have to take you in my arms and again I tell you those words that make us last another day....  
_  
Take me back, I love you_

I do, believe me, I'll never stop doing so....

**Change of POV**

_...I need you_

And you'll never know how much....

**Change of POV**

_I know it's wrong, it must be wrong_

This is insane. Today I'll go. I'll leave. I won't come back. Never.

**Change of POV**

_But right or wrong I can't get along_

I never managed to do anything the right way, to make everything perfect. I'm destruction. And before I destroy you as well, I'll leave. Today. And we'll never meet again.

....  
  
_Without you_


	9. Interlude

**Author's Notes**:

At first I wanted to go directly to the next chapter but I noticed it would be a very big jump, not only in time but also in atmosphere. So I decided my song needed an interlude. Don't worry if you don't understand how they got to where they are. They could have been running around anywhere, could have been with anyone, what matters is what they do now. Why? Because the next and last chapter is going to be called "Don't Explain".

**Disclaimer**:

See chapter 1

**Interlude**

The Kaiba mansion was empty, had been empty for almost a week. Silence lay heavily upon the large garden, the leaves of an old oak rustling in the chilly breeze. Dawn was approaching.

And in the dead of night there were footsteps. A lonely someone leaned against the fence of the mansion's garden, gazing up at the fading stars. He hadn't been standing there very long when a shadow approached him silently. The other stopped only a few steps away, both staring at each other, their silhouettes clearly outlined by the light of the dying moon. One was tall, a trenchcoat shielding his body from the cold, the other was a lot smaller, but his hair stood proudly in all directions.

They were silent for a long moment, then, turning away, Seto started to walk up to the mansion. After a second's hesitation Yami followed.

None speaking a word they entered the house, quietly walking through the long corridor. There was no sound but their footsteps, there was no light but the faint silver of stars and moon through the huge window. There was no warmth. But there was tension, so thick it was like a blanket, suffocating them.

And suddenly Yami ran after Seto, grabbed his coat and pulled him back. Then, turning the stunned boy around, he punched him in the face. Seto stumbled back, staring at him. A few heartbeats they stood rooted to the ground, then Seto went for him. Both didn't use their fighting skills, but lashed out blindly at each other, all the anger and hurt suddenly freed.

On the horizon there appeared a faint light blue streak. None of them could tell when their fighting had turned into simply clinging to each other, digging nails into soft flesh and never wanting to let go. None of them could tell when the tears had started falling uncontrollably from the eyes of those who had refused to show weakness in front of each other for so long.


	10. Don't Explain

**Author's Notes**:

I've got one CD with that song and on that CD it's very slow, very touching. I love it. I hope you'll like it too...It's strange to end this. But it's cool. My first story with more than one chapter finished.

**Disclaimer**:

See chapter 1

**Song:**

"Don't Explain" by Billie Holiday/arthur herzog jr.

**Don't Explain**

"...." - talk

'....' - thoughts

_Hush now, don't explain  
__Just say you'll remain  
__I'm glad that you're back  
__Don't explain_

"I....Seto, I...."

"Shh, Yami....There's no need to explain yourself. You're back, aren't you? You're not that distant creature with those empty eyes anymore. You're back to the boy I know. Will you stay? Will you be here?....Please....I need you to tell me you'll be here, I can't...can't let go."

'...Because you're all I have. Thousands of boys and girls are in the clubs at night. I saw them all. Night after night I went there to find some distraction from your eyes that seemed to call to me, enchanting me, bewitching me, killing me with their burning beauty. No one has eyes like yours. It seems you can't make me feel happy anymore...but there's also no one who can make me feel the way I do when I'm around you....I was so lonely without you. I'm dependent on you, addicted to you. I hate myself for it but I hate myself even more when I can't be with you. Not that I could ever tell you that. I have no words to tell you, but I have to try at least....'

_Quiet, don't explain  
__What is there to gain?  
__Skip that lipstick  
__Don't explain_

"Yami....you have to know....."

"I already know....shh, don't bother....I know why....Your words can't heal any damage. You have lipstick on your cheek....

But I don't care. That can't hurt me anymore."

'I know who you've been with. And I am sure you know who I've been with. But what does that matter anymore? ...

Don't ask me questions I can't answer. I don't know what the future will bring. I don't know if I'll stay, I don't know if you'll stay. I just know that this is a moment given to you once in your life – you just have to find out what it means. I don't know, don't know anything but how good your arms feel around me. Why can't I just hate you? Instead I'm somewhere between hell and heaven and don't know what to do.....'

_You know that I love you  
__And what love endures_

"I...I can't. Can't live without you anymore. I can't live with you, but I can't live without you...What am I about to do, Yami?"

"If only I knew, love...."

"....Love?...."

" I love you Yami, I love you. Don't say anything, I really do. I...I don't know how to make you believe."

"You don't have to make me....I do. I do believe you. And I love you too. You know how strong love can be, that love can survive even the darkest times. I don't know if ours can."

'But there is love. Love that none of us can deny anymore. Love that we finally have to admit to.'

_All my thoughts are of you  
__For I'm so completely yours._

"Irresistible....that's what you are, Seto. I can't....turn away when I look into your eyes."

"Yami...I...."

"We have done horrible things. You know how I suffered, don't you?"

_Cry to hear folks chatter  
__And I know you cheat_

'I wish so much you knew how many tears I have shed only because I heard you had been at the club. I wish you knew how often I imagined you with another boy or girl, making love to someone else, and not to me. I wish so much you knew all the pain you caused me. So I did what you did. To make you feel the same way....'

"I know, Yami.....I felt the same."

"You did?"

"Hell, Yami.....I did."

"I....I see."

"You're glad I did, right? No, don't defend yourself. I know already."

_Right or wrong don't matter  
__When you're with me, sweet._

'Because both of us just did the same horrible things. And I don't know if I'll ever be able to forget them. I only know that it doesn't matter what either of us did, now, here, where I can hold you, where you can be with me. The past can't be erased. I know that better than anyone. You can only change the present. And it feels good that way. Together.'

_So hush now, don't explain  
__You're my joy and pain_

"I don't know what's going to happen when we get up from here"

"We don't have to get up yet, Seto."

"Alright."

"There's no need to talk, right?"

"No. Let's just be quiet, Yami"

"Ok. Let's try."

"...hnnn....I fell asleep, didn't I?"

"You did, love. But I don't care."

"Are we still not getting up"

"I don't think so."

"You make me laugh, you know, Seto? You make me cry so much but then you make me laugh."

"I know"

"Look, the sun's already up."

"Yeah."

"I think..."

"I think we should get up."

"Well..."

"So...."

"Let's see."

"I understand"

"We don't have anything to lose, after all"

_My life is yours, love  
__Don't explain_

* * *

**Thanks to:**

_mic1211_: for all your reviews and encouragement, for doujinshi's and tapes, for mails and character analyses, for quotes and the Palace....and for simply being there! Hope you like this!

_Nenya 85_: for encouragement and discussing the characters, for inspiration and giving me an understanding of the characters! I'm looking forward to more of "Deja Vu"!

_Shadows of chaos61_: for feeling with them and telling me to write on! Looking forward to more of "Second Time Around"!

_cute-Baka_: for compliments and trust in my writing skills, for mails and ideas-brainstorming!

_Silver Wing 147_: for loving the songs and supporting the fic although you're not a big Yami/Seto fan! Concerning your list of songs...just send me a mail about what you want to have in that list and where you want it.

_Blue September_: for loving the angst in this couple and supporting the fic!

Hope to see you all again next time!!! Hope you liked the ending!


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